


my heart stops (when you look at me)

by thimble



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: F/F, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thimble/pseuds/thimble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tatsuya’s so cool.”</p><p>“You think so, kid?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Taiga would nod vigorously, something soft fluttering in her chest. Why would anyone else think otherwise? “I want to be just like her.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart stops (when you look at me)

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from tumblr.

“I don’t know why I keep missing,” Taiga says when the ball bounces off the rim for the nth time. Tatsuya touches her lip, as was her thinking habit, as she looks at Taiga carefully.

“Do it again.”

“Fine, but it won’t go in.”

Taiga attempts a jump shot, but her earlier prediction is proven correct. “See?” she glances at Tatsuya, who is nodding to herself decisively.

“I know what’s wrong.”

“You do?”

Tatsuya nods again, beckoning her closer; she complies, and Tatsuya reaches out to touch her hair when she’s near enough. It flusters her, though Tatsuya goes on to tuck her overgrown bangs behind her ear.

“Your hair is in the way. It’s blocking your vision.”

Taiga bats Tatsuya’s hand away with an awkward laugh, self-consciously twirling a few strands between her fingers. “Look who’s talking!”

“It doesn’t bother me. I’m used to it.” The smirk is in Tatsuya’s eyes before it ever reaches her mouth. “Were you copying my hairstyle?”

“No!” Taiga says instantly, adamantly, though it may have been possible that she hadn’t been trying _not_ to copy it, letting her hair fall into her face instead of brushing it back in subtle emulation. Tatsuya laughs and reaches for her again, turning her around.

“Hold still.” Before Taiga can ask what for, Tatsuya starts gathering the hair at her nape, combing her fingers through the thick red mass and scooping it up into a ponytail, high atop her head. It’s a little tight but Taiga can see things clearer now.

“I know you don’t want to get it cut,” Tatsuya says, a careful reminder of when Taiga angrily teared up over neighborhood kids teasing her for looking like a boy. _I think your eyebrows are cool_ , Tatsuya had said at the time. It was an assurance, her way of telling Taiga that there’s nothing wrong with her, so unfairly wise for someone who is only ten. And it’s not that Taiga doesn’t believe her; it’s just that her confidence has a lot of catching up to do. It means the world that Tatsuya remembers.

“So keep it up like that, okay?”

“Where did you even get that hair tie?” Taiga says instead of answering, and Tatsuya laughs as she passes the ball. “Try again!”

So she does, and that is how Taiga lands her first basket. She kind of likes how the ponytail swishes with her every movement, and how it makes it easier to see Tatsuya’s proud smile in her peripheral.

 

* * *

 

Taiga is ninety-five percent certain that Alex knew it even before she had the courage to admit it to herself. It was in the knowing gaze she directed at Taiga whenever she was caught staring at Tatsuya, or the wistful sighs she responded with whenever Taiga began gushing about the best older sister in the world.

“Tatsuya’s so cool.”

“You think so, kid?”

“Yeah,” Taiga would nod vigorously, something soft fluttering in her chest. Why would anyone else think otherwise? “I want to be just like her.”

Then Alex would put an arm around her shoulder and squeeze. It’s only years later that Taiga will realize it was meant to be reassuring; she just thought Alex was cold and needed a warm-up. She was always so easily chilled even in those fluffy jackets of hers.

“Come on,” Alex would add, helping her stand up. “I’ll treat you guys to ice cream.”

(Like she was trying to nurse Taiga’s heart before she ever found it wounded.)

 

* * *

 

“I don’t think I’m playing next week,” Tatsuya says as she pushes the last bite into her mouth, wiping the oil off her fingers instead of licking them like Taiga does. It’s Saturday and they’re at an In-N-Out for their post-game burgers; Taiga’s in the middle of her third.

“Why not?”

“We have mid-terms the week after that, and my grades aren’t exactly great.” Tatsuya picks out the fattest fry on her plate and starts swirling it in her milkshake. “I think I’m failing physics.”

Taiga glances up at that, but she has to chew and swallow quickly before she can reply. “No way. You’re awesome at physics.”

“Nah, I’m just better at it than you are,” Tatsuya teases, popping the soggy fry into her mouth. “Speaking of which, you can’t slack off either. I better not hear from anyone that you’ve been on the court instead of indoors, _studying_.”

Taiga snorts and steals one of Tatsuya’s French fries to dip in her milkshake too. “You’re not the boss of me!”

“Technically, I am, being the big sister and all.”

“Big sister doesn’t mean babysitter. And man, how can you eat this stuff?” She sticks out her tongue exaggeratedly, wagging the half-eaten fry in Tatsuya’s face. “It’s nasty.”

“I didn’t tell you to try it.”

She can just _feel_ her ears turning red, so she kicks Tatsuya under the table to distract herself from its heat. “Yeah, whatever,” she says, though she doesn’t change the way she finishes off the rest of her fries.

Monday and Tuesday roll by without incident, which is usually the case she has something to look forward to, but on Wednesday she remembers what Tatsuya told her and every clock seemed to be broken, ticking two or three times slower than normal. School was close to hellish, but she almost prefers it to what happens on Saturday.

 _Nothing_ happens on Saturday. She has most of her books strewn open on her bed but reading them is the last thing she wanted to do, not with the weather being so perfect outside, the asphalt seeming especially inviting. She’s a bit pissed at Tatsuya for the self-imposed revision, though she also knows that for all her talk Tatsuya wouldn’t lord that power over her. She’s free to play with whoever shows up from Tatsuya’s team; it’s just a matter of whether she wants to play more than she wants to make Tatsuya happy—

she thinks of the rare mischief that Tatsuya’s eye betrays when she grins, her pale pink lips lifting at the corners, set against the pearls of her teeth, and Taiga’s heart spins like a basketball expertly balanced on her fingertip and—

the answer’s obvious.

That doesn’t mean she enjoys poring over her notes instead of palming a ball before a pass, straining her eyes instead of her calves, or eating peanuts instead of burgers (“it’s brain food,” Kaasan said, probably glad that her only daughter is focusing attention on her studies rather than sports.) But it’s worth it, to meet with Tatsuya the weekend after that and to dissect the anatomy of her laughter when Taiga breaks the news about passing all of her exams.

 

* * *

 

Cynophobia is what they call an irrational fear of dogs. Taiga only knows this because of a documentary on Animal Planet, though she did crack open a dictionary to check the spelling. She’s thankful that people who do _science_ actually think it’s a thing, because most others just think it silly to be terrified of puppies.

(Having to be vaccinated for rabies at four years old can do that to a person.)

She admits that she’s afraid that Tatsuya would react the same way when a lady’s poodle starts sniffing around her feet and she freezes in place, a cold sweat trickling down her spine. She’s gripping Tatsuya’s hand like a touchstone and Tatsuya understands almost immediately. She crouches down to redirect the dog’s attention from Taiga to herself, making small talk with its owner in the process so she wouldn’t take offense.

A scratch of the ear and a stroke of the nose later, she has the dog nuzzling into her palm, reluctant to leave even when the lady pulls at its leash. Tatsuya waves them goodbye with easy laughter, smile gentler when she turns to Taiga.

“Scared of dogs?”

“Kinda.”

“That’s okay,” she says, leaning in conspiratorially. “I _hate_ spiders. So take a spider out of the room for me and we’re even.”

Taiga bites down on her bottom lip so she wouldn’t beam so widely; it must be impossible to adore another girl more than she did in that moment.

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

Her memories of Japan are foggy at best, but she’s pretty sure that Valentines’ Day over there goes differently than it does in the States. It falls on a Friday, but come weekend there are still at least three boys shoving at each other in an attempt to get their respective presents to Tatsuya first. She accepts the teddy bear, the chocolates, and the flowers graciously, though she sets them down at the makeshift bleachers as soon as she could. Taiga would swear on a month’s worth of lunch money that Tatsuya even kicked the bear into place.

It didn’t stop there, though. A fight erupts during the game and Tatsuya has to break it up herself; her words are measured as tells them plainly that she isn’t interested in _any_ of them, and would they please kindly get off the court if they’re gonna continue being big babies about it. Two of them grudgingly agree to behave, though the third stomps off while spitting that sounds acutely like “bitch,” in Tatsuya’s direction. It was the one who gave her the bear.

Tatsuya doesn’t even flinch.

“They’re not worth the time,” Tatsuya says later as they’re walking home, stretching her arms above her head. (If her pants sling a little lowly on her waist, Taiga pointedly doesn’t notice.) “I don’t like any of them anyway.”

 _But they like you,_ Taiga thinks, with bitterness at the back of her throat that, somehow, doesn’t taste like jealousy. At least not towards Tatsuya, who has the silkiest shiniest hair Taiga’s ever seen, who always smells nice and never has dirt filed under her nails, who makes a room seem smaller just by being inside it—it’s not a mystery or a stretch of the imagination that boys are always after her.

(So maybe Taiga _is_ jealous, that boys can show Tatsuya how much they like her without attracting stares.)

She’s so lost in her own thoughts that the honk from a passing convertible startles her enough to knock her off balance, and she would’ve fallen if not for Tatsuya grabbing her arm. The car’s occupants seem to be college guys, though their age doesn’t stop them from laughing, licking their lips when they catch her eye.

“Nice ass, baby!”

“Hey, assholes!” Tatsuya yells back, ignoring Taiga’s flailing. “Wanna come back here and say that to my fist?” She’s rolled up her sleeves to her elbows and thrusting her knuckles in the air, ending the gesture with a middle finger. Taiga didn’t get to look at her face that well, but whatever expression was on it was scary enough to make the guys run the red light.

“You’re _crazy_ ,” Taiga says, with affection so transparent in her tone. “I thought you said they weren’t worth it.”

Tatsuya winks, tugging her sleeves back over her palms before throwing an arm around Taiga’s shoulders, her breath tickling her ear as their twin ponytails swing in tandem.

“No one messes with my little sister.”

Taiga has never felt so lucky, and hopeful, and disgusted with herself all at once.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t want to go,” is what she says to Kaasan and Tousan when they tell her that they’re moving to Japan. “Don’t make me go.”

It’s a useless effort, of course. She is fourteen and she is bound to the choices of those older than her, and neither her watery eyes nor the sudden tremulous quality of her voice can change their decision. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t cry when they send her to her room to start packing. She collapses face first into bed, not caring that it applies needless pressure to the bruise on her cheek. Her pillowcase soaks up her tears but only leaves her words to linger in the air, pitiful as they are.

 _I don’t want to lose Tatsuya again_ , she would say if she weren’t hiccupping from her sobs. _I just got her back._

Eventually she packs up her bags, and on her last week of school she visits their court every day on the slim chance that Tatsuya might be there, even though they only had matches on the weekends.

She’s not, and Taiga boards the plane with nothing left of Tatsuya but a smarting bruise and a tarnished ring. It’s unlikely that they’ll ever see each other again.

_I promised I wouldn’t run away._

 


End file.
